One of the most overused pieces of divorce advice concerns co-parenting. The theory behind this well-meaning guidance is that your child will only be well adjusted if you find a way to co-parent with your ex spouse. However, this is actually untrue and can even prove harmful if employed in certain situations.
The Huffington Post reports that Gwenyth Paltrow’s recent split from her husband and her comments about her parenting plans rekindled debate over how to parent after a divorce. She wrote on her blog that she plans to “consciously co-parent” her children with her ex.
It pays to mention that an amicable divorce should always be the goal of any couple, especially when they have children together, but it’s also true that some divorces will never end agreeably. Certain spouses are unreasonable and narcissistic, and they will never put aside differences for the good of their children.
Co-Parenting Is Not The Ideal Solution For Every Situation
If your ex-spouse happens to be one of these people, then the effort you’ll put into co-parenting will be wasted, and it could end up harming your children. If you absolutely cannot be in the same space as your ex without arguing, than a co-parenting model only serves to subject your children to the same stress they endured during the divorce process.
If this is the case, you shouldn’t feel that you are a bad parent or that your children are doomed to be maladjusted. As with anything in life, you can use the situation to teach your children how to deal with difficult situations. In other words, lead by example.
If you’re planning a divorce and you need a family lawyer in Queens, contact us. At the Elliot Green Law Offices, we work hard to take the burden off of our clients’ shoulders by providing timely and sound legal advice.
If you would like to schedule a free consultation with an attorney from our office, call us today at 718-260-8668.
Try Parallel Parenting After A High-Conflict Divorce
Your children will be happier managing two different sets of household rules than they will be following one set of rules that is always under contention. Yes, this will be frustrating when your ex allows something you don’t, but your children’s welfare should be your primary focus.
Show them what it looks like to handle difficult people by setting clear, strong boundaries with your ex. Don’t be dragged into fights or provoked to badmouth them to your children, and you’ll find that they will appreciate it later on.
Above all, be honest with your children. So many people think that protecting their children means sparing them all of the details when it’s actually just the opposite. Explain your reasoning behind any limits that you set, and tell them often about your plans for the future.
Working through your divorce with a child will be hard work, so let us help with the legal side of it all. We are experts on child-custody laws, and you can count on us to always represent your best interests. To speak with a family lawyer about your divorce, call us today at 718-260-8668.
