BROOKLYN, New York. When it comes to marriage, there are a few big deal breakers. Infidelity and addiction are two of the big ones. Individuals who are married to an addicted spouse struggle with some of the same issues that the addicted spouse wrestles with. If the addicted partner spends the couple’s money, both parties may struggle with debt. Both partners may also struggle with denial about the addiction.
However, once you have accepted that your partner has an addiction, tough decisions must be made. While you may understand that your partner is suffering from a disease, it is important to consider your own well-being and needs during the process. What do you need from your partner to rebuild trust? Do you want to rebuild trust? Is your partner willing to get help? What would it mean if he or she does get help? What would it mean if he or she does not get help? Learning to set your own boundaries and be clear about your own desires is essential to begin to plan for the future.
Yet, as many people discover, sometimes staying with an addicted spouse only serves to enable the addiction. Individuals may stay with a partner as he or she cycles in and out of rehab. Eventually, a breaking point is reached. One woman wrote about how leaving her husband finally gave him the motivation he needed and the wake-up call he required to finally quit drugs. Sometimes, leaving is the first step an addicted person needs to realize that their problem truly is destroying their relationships and life.
However, reaching the decision to leave can be difficult. In the New York Times, Dear Sugar notes, that “breaking promises and lying and playing down the consequences of drug use and covering up lies with inane excuses and rationalizing it with distorted thinking is what addicts do.” Separating the truth from fiction can be challenging, especially if you’ve been living in the fiction for some time. Individuals want to believe that their loved one will finally be honest and quit. Unfortunately, sometimes this just doesn’t happen. Sometimes, individuals need help to break the cycle.
So, what can you do if you are married to an addict and are considering divorce? First, seek help. Speak to a counselor or join an Al-Anon group in your area. Learn about the patterns of addiction and co-dependency. Build your support network. Next, consider your finances. Addicted individuals may spend money and resources to support their addictions. However, if you are thinking about divorce, you might need money to put a deposit on a new apartment. Consider speaking to a qualified divorce lawyer in Brooklyn, New York like the Elliot Green Law Offices. A divorce attorney can help you understand your legal rights and help you navigate the legal process of disentangling your finances, assets, and debts. The process can feel daunting, but you are not alone. Visit our firm at https://www.elliotgreenlaw.com/ to learn more.
